Refuseniks

The June issue of Toronto Life features six portraits of local lesbian and gay couples (not available online). Included are twosomes who are or want to get hitched, and -- yay -- those who don't.

In the don'ts: "radicals" Frank Chester and Joel Rotstein. Says Rotstein: "What would be the benefit of getting married?.... We also have an open relationship. I get something from casual sex partners that Frank can never give me. Straight people do this as well; they're just not open about it. Having to divorce your wife just because you want to see another woman naked -- how stupid is that? Marriage is a sad institution really."

There's also "feminists" Shelley Gavignan and Karen Andrews.

Gavignan, who's 53, "was part of a wave of women who tried to live differently and think about relationships differently. I take a strong exception to the idea that marriage means commitment and that if you're not married you're not committed. It's true that marriage has changed... but marriage is still very gendered and substantively unequal."

Best line: "With our daughter, Amy, if she decides to get married, that's her call. But we'll have to tranquilize Karen."

Now Karen Andrews (a former Pride parade grand marshal, she's famous in Hogtown circles for her legal activism): "I have devoted my career to pushing for gay rights -- for social benefits, income tax deductions, health benefits, hospital and prison visitation. Not the right to marry. Marriage is a restrictive, anachronistic patriarchal institution, deeply implicated in the oppression of women and children. Everything should be done to minimize its importance.

"As a lesbian, you get to live differently, and that should be celebrated. Shelley and I are both magnificent spinsters."