The bigger they are

Hubba hubba "Fat Actress" Kirstie Alley's hilariously and generally hetero-sex oriented first season (a 2005 Showtime production -- gotta work fast or the cellulite, and interest, will melt away) is now out on DVD. Alley moons over long-haired tunesmith Kid Rock in just the very same way that Rosie O'Donnell used to go on about how much she was in love with Tom Cruise.

Whatever can it all mean?


CANCON HAS WEIGHT, too. From columnist Richard Burnett in the June Fugues mag: "k.d. lang -- who alongside Melissa Etheridge and Ellen DeGeneres -- was at the centre of the first wave of lesbian chic back in the mid-90s, resurfaced after she replaced a sick Neil Young at Canada's Juno [music] awards. National Post gossip columnist Shinan Govani, who calls lang 'Canada's most famous lesbian,' quoted the hallowed music insider as saying: 'She's always been shy. But she seems even shyer now, now that she's fat.'

"Shinan also noted, 'It's been a long time since k.d. lang was k.d. lean, but many people seemed stunned by exactly how big the star has gotten.'

"The New York Post can't resist a fat lesbian, and the Post's all-gossip Page 6, under the headline 'Heavy Burden for k.d. lang,' breathlessly wrote: 'The corpulent crooner stole the show but stayed away from the red carpet and the parties.'

"The Post also pointed out that lang acknowledged in a recent interview in Britain's Independent that she had given up trying to be glamorous. 'I guess I didn't have the drive or the interest to stay in the game,' she reflects. 'It takes a lot of money and work to stay fabulous. I loved it when I was in it until I started to realize that it was disposable and fraudulent.... it's dealing with the hair, the makeup, the high heels. It removes you from the essence of who you are and what you have to offer.'"

When did k.d. lang ever wear high heels?