To arms! Destroy Mary Worth!

The reason we all hate the comics pages of our local daily paper is quite simple: they're trying to please everybody. And so every ego-obsessed reader scowls angrily at what they despise. The more segregation in media, the more we can program for ourselves and our interests, the less patient we are with the interests of Those Who Are Not Exactly Like Us.

Thus "legacy" comics -- like "Blondie," "Peanuts," "Family Circus," and "Mary Worth" -- are on the same page as "Get Fuzzy," "Pearls Before Swine" and "Rhymes with Orange." (But not "The Boondocks" any more, which is on a six-month break. The TV series was on Comedy Network -- the very first episode featured a nekkid grand-dad's fuzzed-out groin -- but seems to have gone AWOL, as well.)

This story has the Atlanta Journal-Constitution's Frank Rizzo saying: '"It's sort of like programming for a TV network. You can't target just one audience.' ... Younger readers complain about older-skewing strips, says Rizzo, and older readers don't understand the humor of something like 'Pearls.' Meanwhile, his newspaper, like most in this time of shrinking circulations and aging newspaper demographics (the average age of a newspaper reader is 55, according to a 2005 Carnegie Corp. study), is trying to attract new readers -- an area in which comics can play a key role.

"'They do help sell newspapers,' says Rizzo, pointing to surveys ranking the importance of newspaper features to readers. '[Comics] are one way of having readers get attached to the paper.'

"But some newspapers are nervous about taking on edgier strips, says 'Get Fuzzy' cartoonist Darby Conley. He observes that he's received complaints from papers about using the word 'butt' in his strip, 'but then you turn on 'South Park,' and you go, what? It's a really weird situation,' he says.

"'Newspapers are, in my guess, in 1959 in terms of morality,' he says. 'They'd rather have a dead comics page than have people writing in.'"

Sez Rizzo: "It's a tightrope. How [can you] be cutting edge for one generation but not upset the sensibilities for other readers? There's got to be a balance."

That's right, fisticuffs over the 'toons. Yup, it's always easier to argue over the window boxes and the colour of the trim than having a nice long chat about the major reno that's gonna require smashing some walls and redoing the basement. But everybody still needs a comfy chair and a reading lamp. Unless as readers we really do want to kick some people out? Only hang out with the cool kids?